My Version of This Old House Part II

I am on a color roll!! Once the color worked for the living room, I decided to finish painting my kitchen with the reddish color (Dutch Boy's Brick Fleck). I worked on it throughout the day today. I think it looks a little orangey in the photos, but it looks more like a deep red. I had already painted one wall prior to surgery, and today I finished the south and west walls (very slowly of course). I'm very happy with it.

If I'm feeling up to it tomorrow, I will be working on finishing the cupboards. I want to steel wool the cabinets with mineral spirits and add another stain...to richen the effect. We'll see. I may have my friend and decorating guru help me. ;-) For the rest of today, though, I'm going to replace the outlets in the kitchen!! Finally!!

So far, here's what I've got. Excuse the mess, please.

I feel badly for Terry, though...he has hard jobs like putting in wainscot and leveling the floor so we can lay laminate down. ;-) I get to do the pretty stuff!

I think it's a good thing that I don't get HGTV out here. We'd really be in trouble!

Great Buys!

Last weekend, Alyssa and I were driving around town when we saw signs for an auction, so we decided to stop by. Are we ever glad we did! I bought several things, but my favorite is this orange beauty! I put it in my cheery yellow office/craft room/spare room. I certainly love auctions!!

I also found a pretty wing back chair that goes super well with brownish green walls in my entry way. No one in my family likes that chair though. What is it about my boys that makes them so picky?? Abe likes the glider rocker I found for his room, and we are all appreciating the SMALL entertainment center.

Alyssa found two really pretty white formal chairs, a table to go with them and SEVEN book shelves. Of course, they are all staying here awaiting her return home and prodding us to complete the room she will be living in. Right now all of her furniture is mixed with my own hodge podge of hand-me-down wonders, so we are certainly trying to complete our projects in the most ASAP way.

Terry assured me that this weekend will be the EPIC Floor Laying Weekend! I am beyond excited about that.

My Version of This Old House

We've been trying to finish up our house, and update what we've already done. It seems like a very long battle, actually! But today, I wanted to share what we've done recently...

Project Number One:

Phase One Covered Porch: When we moved in to this house, we had a screened in porch that we decided to close in and make part of the house. It was a good plan, but we lost a wonderful thing...a covered porch. Last week, Terry and my boys built a deck (phase one of our plan). Phase two will be to add a roof and railings to the deck. Then, whallah! An old fashioned porch. I'll even get a rocker to go out there.

It's absolutely lovely to sit there in the mornings and drink my coffee! Of course, when we get the roof on, we'll be able to sit under the roof and still be protected by the roof!! Won't that be awesome!

Project Number Two!

We bought some laminate flooring to lay down throughout the downstairs of the house. YAY! However, like almost all of our projects, we have a ton of work to do before we can lay the floor. We decided to go ahead and update the paint, get trim up, etc. etc.

Here's what my living room looked like before:

I loved the rich color of the burgundy, and I love folk art stuff, so the border was just my style. I decided that if we were going to be updating the downstairs, we should really make a go of it, and do it up well. So, I removed the wall border. (Yes, I heard you gasp.)

Next, I painstakingly tried to find a color that would suit us. After weeks of all kinds of paint samples lining the walls of my living room and kitchen, I decided that I would just use my wall border as my paint palette. Turned out to be a good idea, because I found the new color for my living room. Yay me!

Stay tuned for the complete project! I only hope that we get this done pronto. Those of you who know us are laughing. I can hear it!

Humbled & Dancing

Yesterday I had a nice visit with an former classmate, who happens to be my new oncologist. I really liked how he made eye contact while he was explaining things to me and while he was listening to me. I wish more doctors would take the time to do that!

What I found out is that I had a Stage 2a cancer, which is relatively good news. I was able to read the path report and ask questions. Turns out that the cancer went through the muscular wall of the colon and into the fat wall...it didn't go to the outside part of the colon - which is very good. The path report wrote that there were good margins and that there was no indication of it spreading.

I also found out that there is a 70% chance of surviving past 5 years with this stage. I guess that's providing I don't get hit by a bus. ;-)

The jury is still out as to if I will be taking chemo. I guess there is a lot of controversy about whether or not Stage 2a people should have chemo. Some doctors say yes, and some say no. What Dr. Brad suggested is that I participate in a study through which the cancer will be studied to determine whether or not there is a high risk of recurrence. If I am in that high risk group, I will take chemo. If I am not in the high risk group, I won't. I think that sounds like a good idea, so that's what I'm going to do. Plus, participating in this study will provide statistical data for treating people with colon cancer in the future. I like that idea, too.

After my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer, I have had my boobs squished regularly. I suppose getting roto-rootered regularly will now be added to my health care regimen. Lovely.

The Day After

Of all the things to think about, I've been thinking about this: I'm jealous that I won't have a cool, hippy slogan and mascot that defines me as a cancer survivor. Seriously. Breast cancer victims/survivors get pink ribbons, pretty bras and slogans like "Fight Like a Girl." Since I'm new to the colon cancer scene, I may be mistaken, but I know of no such slogans for me. I can think of plenty, but most are probably not 'clean' language. ;-)Do I even get a special remembrance ribbon? And if I do, will it be brown?? Such things to think about, but it does give you an idea of how my brain works.

On a more serious note, a few days ago, I read a blessing by St. Theresa:

May today there be peace within.

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received,

and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be content knowing you are a child of God.

Let this presence settle into your bones,

and allow your soul the freedom to sing,

dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.

Such a beautiful blessing and so very relevant to me right now. I think the part that stands out the most to me is the prayer for me to trust God that I am where I am supposed to be right now. Such a prayer! If I am where I am supposed to be, then I am experiencing the life I am supposed to experience. I think there is so much good to be experienced, even when you are walking through a scary time. I sometimes need to remind myself to keep my eyes open.

Talking with Jeff, a new friend of mine, yesterday was so encouraging. He, of course, was sad about my news...but as we talked his eyes just shown. He said, "Think of all you get to learn!" Yes. Think of that! I may actually learn more than I have ever wanted to; I appreciate his wisdom.

All of that sounds great, and while I do want to experience the life that brings me closer to God, I've got to admit that I have all kinds of apprehension about what these lessons will entail. I love being in control, I love being independent and I love being strong. I think that some of the lessons I will learn may involve one or all three of these things that I hold dear. That's scary to me. Well, that and physical pain. ;-)

Good News in the Middle of Bad

So, I went to the surgeon today for a follow up and to find out what the pathology report reported. Turns out that the mass was cancer and learned that it was through my colon wall, which is a little scary. The good news is that the 14 lymph nodes he took held no cancer.

The WEIRD news is that a boy that I went to high school with will be my oncologist. How weird is that?? My surgeon really likes him, and he was my friend's doctor...so while I still think it's weird, I hope I can take him seriously. I will be meeting with him to find out how we will fight this thing. Sounds like chemo is in my future...blech.

Alyssa sent this to me. I like it.

The Road We Didn't Want to Travel Part 2

So many times since that cold January 26, 1991 morning, I have been able to see God working through our loneliness and pain. I had always heard that God will not allow more than you can bear, and through this journey, I can testify to the truth of that statement.

The journey we've taken through grief did not hit with full impact initially. We were not aware of the mountain ahead of us. As I look down through the years, I can see that we were surrounded by a protective shroud for a while. As we have climbed through each new level, we deal with a different aspect of the grief, but there is a thicker foundation created with each step up this mountain.

One early morning in late August, I was preparing for the day, when I saw all the neighborhood kids gather for the school bus. I had forgotten it would be the first day of school. I watched from my window as the little ones boarded, and I saw some of Ben's preschool classmates clambering up the stairs of the bus. I felt as though I had been running full speed and had hit an unseen wall. I don't know if I can yet describe the impact that sight had on me, but I was reeling.I then called my mom. I told her that I saw the kids get on the bus. She responded like such a super mom. She created a way for me to shed some of my pain safely by saying, "Oh, Honey, I'm sorry. Ben wasn't with them." Then she did the most healing thing. She cried with me.

Sometimes a good rain shower can wash away a lot of crud. Romans 8:26-27, says about prayer: "Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God." (NKJV) Prayer has become my lifeline, and God has become my Abba.

There were times that my prayer was simply, "Oh, God." and this verse confirmed for me that my Father made provisions for my humanness and my pain. When my children are hurt, they know they can crawl up in my lap and whimper. They know I don't need an explanation right away, and they aren't looking for words of wisdom during these times. They desire comforting hugs and kisses, and sympathy. If there is a bonkin' (i.e. owie) my children know they will be held, cleaned up and a soothing salve applied.

I realized that God works much the same with me. Because He is my Father, I can go to Him with my hurts and just whimper. When there are bonkins He'll apply the Balm of Gilead to create a Heavenly healing.Sometimes the balm He applied took the form of a friend who had the courage to talk to me about Ben and what they miss about him. The summer after Ben died, my friend Chris sat beside me after church was over, and started talking about the cute things she remembered Ben had done during the Christmas program. She and I sat there laughing and crying together. How that healing salve flowed that morning!

Sometimes the healing salve took the form of a friend who was willing to be persistent enough to cut through some of my pride. A few months after Ben died, I found 17 rolls of film that needed to be developed. When I received the photos, I went through them, seeing two years of Ben's life unfold before my eyes. When I finished putting the photos in an album, I felt as though my world was going to crumble. I just sat down and prayed, "Oh, God, help me." Not much time elapsed before the phone rang. My friend Jill wanted to talk with me. When I answered, she asked, "How are you doing?" Of course, I answered, "Oh, just fine," as cheerily as I could. She paused for a moment, and then said, "Look. God told me to call. What's wrong?" I poured out my heart to her, and once again, the healing salve began to flow.

Sometimes that healing salve was God Himself. There have been times when He has made Himself so close to me that it was as though I was being held in His very own arms. It's been a long time since I have crawled up into my earthly father's lap, but my Abba always has room. Psalm 17:8 says: "Keep me as the apple of Your eye; Hide me under the shadow of Your wings." (NKJV) What a blessed place to be!

Whatever form of healing the Lord has used, I have learned that honesty is the best policy when walking through grief. The times I have tried to bandage the pain myself and be strong are the times I have slipped into depression. When I have been honest with myself about the feelings churning within me and I ask my Heavenly Father for His divine help, I always find in one way or another that I am once again being anointed with that precious balm.

There is an old hymn that says, "He never has failed me yet. I have proven Him true, what He says He will do, He never has failed me yet." How true that has been in my life.